Seeking

i saw only what you saw

                                                                       sleek as glass
      what you would have me see

i believed only what you believed
                          what you would have me
believe

and I sewed your shadow on
                                                                     I found myself
faithful girl that i am

if only                  you were
                                         eternally young

                                                                    looking for you
it might be
             believable

But you are
not really here.

You are a figment of your own imagination.

You are a masterpiece,
long labored over,
                                                                 bursting I became
painted layers,
                                                                  softer than plush
oil on canvas.

How,
                                                                                        blood warmed
then, did my water blend
                                                                      touched
so well with thick phantom pigment?
My water mixing, sloshing, as if to fight
for my own color and display.
                                                                                leaving you to your work
My water, sea for you to swim in-
mistaken manatee
                                                                                            taking
My water flowing
                                                                     mystery
like tears that proved my worth.
My water, the pond
                                                                  of discovery
by which you saw your own reflection.

But
   then,
then
when the pond rippled,
                                                               fact and fiction
my water betrayed,
                                                                    forming
muddying, jeering with question,
                                                              sleek like glass
moving maddeningly, moving me.
I could not be still and I broke the mirror
                               and the silence and
so my own
heart
and you left.
                                                              softer than plush
You took your brushes and your cast.
                                                                     mystery
You took my past.
                                                                                           seeking
You left a likeness of my voice
that bubbled up, choking, from the dead.

Scaly and flopping,
gasping for the invisible.

You breathed into me.
You gave me life
                       in story.

Out

I hate that tone,
elastic
expression,
lands where I lack.

When did I become the target?
Exasperating itch?

I hate that tone,
hissing
threat
lands where I'm wet.

I am not who you think I am.
I have been mistook.

You see me as
one afraid to speak,
but I know your voice,
and I know you're weak,

think you can outsmart me,
blurring imagery.

So, go ahead and spin.
So, go ahead and try.
So, go ahead and turn.
So, go ahead and lie.

Your have the numbers
but I have the sum.

So, go ahead, keep talking.
I'll nod my head and smile.
So, go ahead, keep dancing.
I'll waltz with you awhile.
So, go ahead, bow out.
So, go ahead, and pout.
Scream and pout
it out.